12 Things Successful Women Do Differently
Every woman has her own
definition of success. But there are certain traits that most successful women
share. I spend a good part of my work day reading and writing about women who
have achieved great things -- and I make it a point to surround myself with
women who are well on their way to doing so. Here are 12 things I've learned
that successful women do differently:
1.
They are deeply passionate about what
they do.
"Without passion, all the skill in the world
won't lift you above craft," wrote dancer Twyla Tharp in her book, The
Creative Habit. If you don't love what you do, you're probably not going to
be motivated to go above and beyond, to innovate and to stand out in the
workplace. But if you're passionate about your career, it will make putting
time and effort into it pleasurable, not a chore.
2.
They don't expect perfection -- of
themselves or those around them.
Research has shown that wasting time and energy trying to
be "perfect" only leads to unhappiness. Successful women know that
that they can't do everything well all the time. Beating yourself up for your
perceived flaws will only dampen your abilities at work, not to mention your
mental health. "We each, if we're lucky, will have our chance to leave a
mark on the world, but we are trying too hard to be perfect," wrote Barnard president Debora Spar in an op-ed for
Glamour magazine. "So don't emulate Wonder Woman; think about what's
wonderful to you instead. Then boldly, audaciously, joyfully, leave the rest
behind."
3.
Often, they become the boss.
Many successful women have figured out that if you're
the boss, you can set your own rules. As editor-in-chief of Cosmopolitan Joanna Coles said at the Third Metric Conference in June:
"The higher you go in a corporation, the easier it is ... The truth is you
get more control." And when you're in control, you have the ability to
create a more sane, happy and balanced workplace for yourself and your
employees.
4.
They marry well -- or not at all.
Successful women know the value of a true partnership.
As Sheryl Sandberg observedin Lean In: "I don’t
know of a single woman in a leadership position whose life partner is not fully
-- and I mean fully -- supportive of her career." And many successful
women forgo marriage all together. Despite not being wed, women like Oprah Winfrey, Condoleezza Rice and Diane Keaton seem
to be doing just fine.
5.
They believe that they will be
successful.
Not to go all "If you
build it, he will come," on you, but believing in your own
success -- no matter how crazy your idea might seem -- is integral to achieving
it. Kay Koplovitz, founder of the USA Network, echoed this
sentiment in a July interview. "You have to be comfortable that you can
think your way through and actually execute your way through to the desired
outcome," she said. "I expected to be successful." Bottom line?
Confidence -- and faith in yourself -- is key
6.
They're not afraid to take risks.
Sheryl Sandberg says that all women should ask themselves
the question: "What would you do if you weren't afraid?" Affecting
change -- in your career and beyond -- requires the ability to stop playing it
safe every once in awhile. Successful women don't make reckless decisions, but
they do know how to take a calculated risk. Sandberg took her own advice, and
wrote the bestseller, Lean In.
7.
They know that failure goes hand-in-hand
with success.
"Failure is not the opposite of success but a stepping
stone to success," was the advice given to Arianna Huffington by her
mother, Elli Stassinopoulos. Successful women know that you can't excel all the
time, and that an inevitable part of taking leaps in your career is falling
down sometimes. For example, 12 publishers rejected J.K. Rowling's first Harry Potter book.
But that didn't stop her from continuing to send it out.
8.
They take care of themselves physically.
"My morning run is when my head is most clear and
when I synthesize all of the things that are going on in my head," Jessica
Herrin, founder of Stella and Dot, told The Huffington Post. Many successful
women have spoken about the value of regular exercise -- not because they are
trying to be thin, but because they know that exerciserelieves stress, releases endorphins and increases energy. "If I didn't run,
swim, or lift weights, I almost certainly would have killed someone by this
point in my life," wrote Debora
9.
They know that their to-do lists will
never be completed, and they're okay with that.
Sometimes you can be more productive by accepting that
you're simply not going to get everything done. Learning to let go of certain
goals, responsibilities and tasks can be difficult, but freeing. Arianna Huffington has spoken about how finally allowing
herself to cross unrealistic goals off her lifelong "to do" list --
in her case, learning German and becoming an expert skiier -- relieved her of a
huge burden. "Getting rid of the anxiety of perpetually unmet expectations
was so great," she said.
10.
They make sure to schedule alone time.
Research has shown that women tend to prioritize domestic responsibilities such as housework
and child care over themselves. Successful women know that they need to
schedule alone time the same way they plan meetings, family dinners and
networking events. "I’ve found if I don’t literally put pen to paper (or
create a Google calendar appointment) and carve out an hour for myself, it
never happens," Mary Kate McGrath, editor in chief of PureWow told The
Daily Muse in March. "So that’s what I do. I literally invite myself to
manicures or an extra 20 minutes in bed, and I’ve been known to take myself out
for a Manhattan once in a while, too. (I’m a great date.) And my new rule: I’m
not allowed to cancel on myself."
11.
They know how to foster genuine
relationships -- and keep them strong.
Having a support network is key to being successful.
Keeping up your friendships and forming new ones at every place you work makes
you happier and helps your career later on. In 2009, Diablo Cody told the New York Times about the importance
of her relationships with fellow female filmmakers Lorene Scafaria, Dana Fox
and Liz Meriwether. "They helped me be excited for things when I was kind
of shellshocked," she said. "They were the ones who had to literally
take me aside at the 'Juno' premiere and say: 'This is fun. You will never
forget this. Please enjoy yourself.'"
12.
They express gratitude to those around
them.
No woman's success happens in a vacuum. Wildly successful
women acknowledge those that support them every day -- both in their home lives
and at the office. And that graciousness not only makes them better people, but
fosters loyalty from their employees. Oprah is one powerful woman who
understands the value of appreciating her employees. In 2009, she took her entire staff and their families on a
Mediterranean cruise.
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